


Demons of Mine

by Lady_of_the_Rings



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Honestly the author made herself depressed with this, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Other, Self-Harm, beware this is very dark, but i liked the prose so much i had to post, but this is mostly focused on will's depression, will's crush on mike is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:41:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_of_the_Rings/pseuds/Lady_of_the_Rings
Summary: Will is depressed
Relationships: Will Byers/Mike Wheeler (One-sided)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Demons of Mine

Will stared at the ceiling of his room, unblinking. There was nothing there, just a flat white surface, and the edges of his vision were starting to turn dark. He felt a heavy weight pressing down on his chest. It was a feeling he had felt many times before.

He could remember times when he didn't have to feel this day in and day out. Days when he didn't know anything, when he was bullied and mocked and never fit in, but still he was optimistic. He still felt like the world was a big, amazing place, and that people were good.

Now he knew better. Hawkins was like a black hole, sucking everything and everyone in, sucking in any light that dared to come close, that dared think that something could pierce the never-ending darkness, that something could still contain joy when something so dark lurked underneath.

And people. They were worse than he thought. True, some were good, but in the end, they were nothing compared to the evil that lives in this world.

He knew he was never the same since that day, since he had been to That Place, but no one knew how much it had changed him.

After he came back, he couldn't shake the dark, heavy, cold feeling that followed him everywhere. It was as if a bit of the Upside Down stayed with him, no matter what he did. Even after El had closed the gate for good, even after what happened at Starcourt mall...

It was as if that place had left a black hand print on him, on his soul, heavy and pitch-black, weighing him down everywhere he went.

He knew he had been through a lot. More than anyone else had gone through. His mom and his friends told him that if he ever felt bad, he could go talk to them.

But of course he couldn't. He couldn't even explain what was wrong with him, much less explain it to them. Anyway, he didn't want to be a burden. He had already put them through so much. It was all his fault, getting lost that night. He knew he was lucky to have people that cared about him that much, that would go through so much for him. But that thought made him feel worse. Why would they do that? He wasn't worth it. He felt awful, awful for pulling him into this, and then awful for holding them back, holding them to a horrible past, a horrible truth. They could move on, if it wasn't for him. They could have a proper life, like all the rest of the teenagers, the teenagers who didn't see their friend's funeral, who hadn't seen the real demons that tormented him.

They were his demons, not theirs.

He didn't know why, but he always felt like they were there for him, and him alone. He was the one they had taken, he was the one they had possessed. Everything else was almost an afterthought.

He wonders what he did to deserve these demons, these manifestations of the twisted darkness that was inside him.

Was it because he didn't like girls the way he was supposed to? Was it because he looked at Mike like he hung the stars in the sky? He tried so hard to hide it, hide his feelings, his jealousy...

How would they know?

The Mind Flayer possessed him. It had seen everything, all his thoughts. Nothing was safe. He was trapped in his own body, and he could hear the voice in the back of his head.

It reminded him of all his failures. About how much of a freak he was. A burden.

It didn't speak in the voice of a demon, or a monster, or even a bully.

No, it spoke in his own voice.

As he looked up at the white expanse of his ceiling, he wonders if that's what all of this is. His demons, both real and metaphorical, are him.

He is his own demons, his own doubts and fears.

And ever since That Day, That Place, he doesn't need bullies and monsters telling him how awful he is.

No, he does a wonderful job of tormenting himself.

He finally gets up, moving slowly. He doesn't really know what he's doing. He feels like he lost control over his body. Maybe he had a long time ago. At this point, it doesn't matter.

All that matters is the feeling of the sharp razor on his skin.

He doesn't remember where he got it, or why he hid it under his mattress, like a dirty secret. He doesn't really know why he reached under the mattress to find it, or why he pulled it out, or why he gently pressed it to the pale skin of his arm.

He feels like he should be scared, feeling the sharpness on his bare skin. Like he should stop it, like he should be afraid of the pain, afraid of what he's doing to himself.

But strangely enough, he isn't. He presses deeper with the blade, and a slice of red appears. It's not deep enough to bleed much, only a small trickle before it stops.

He knows this is wrong, that he shouldn't be doing it, but something inside of him tells him to keep going.

And he does. He keeps cutting, every cut a little deeper than the first, as if testing how far he could go, how much he could stand.

He starts to feel a little woozy. His arms are covered in blood now, as are his hands.

The razor blade falls to the ground, and Will collapses. He blinks slowly, world becoming fuzzy. He knows he should want to get up, to wake up.

But he doesn't. He doesn't have any energy to fight anymore.

His eyes slip closed, and he surrenders himself to his own demons.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a while ago during one of my longer depressive episodes. I considered giving this a happy ending, but i kinda like it the way it is  
> (Comments and kudos are appreciated!)


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